one woman’s story of an
unconventional struggle against the hospital system as well as the cancer.
It’s cervical cancer!
First it was the shock, and
then the anger that six Pap smears had missed my cervical cancer, in spite
of my telling my doctor that something was wrong. But this anger kept me
going. Then I started to approach my cancer in the same way that we approach
all things in our lives. I noticed the
coincidences and decided I should be guided by
them. This gave me great strength as I had to make decisions that would have
a huge impact on my life - possibly resulting in
For the first time in my life, I have been able to stand
up for myself and be strong. It is my body and I have a choice. This kept me
calm. But the greatest struggle has been against the system - trying to find
out if my Pap smears were wrongly read, trying to find out what I could
about cervical cancer, trying to pick my way through all the information.
But most of all, I was determined right from the start that I would not
allow anyone to destroy my immune system, so that meant I could not accept
radical surgery or radical radiation or chemotherapy. The oncologists would
only treat me in a radical way and are dismissive of alternative methods so
it was all or nothing and I had to choose nothing - at least of their
methods. Their attitude is virtually that if I won’t do it their way, then I
can go away and die.
Fortunately, I have been guided, in large measure by
coincidence, so that I have found the help I needed when I needed it. And I
have learnt so much and gained so much strength along the path I have
trodden - often wearily - but at least, three and a half years later, I am
still here, and in better health than I have ever been. I set out below some
of the milestones in my journey.
It may seem very strange, but in many ways I am really
quite grateful to have had this struggle with cancer. It has strengthened me
immeasurably. For the first time in my life, it has allowed me to be myself.
It has forced me to say to others "No - It is my decision that matters, not
what you want." This has got to be good.
At first I was very vulnerable. I had been desperately
unhappy back here in New Zealand from 1995 after twenty years overseas in
Africa and Britain. This return had caused me many psychological problems.
But I had managed to find two people who gave valuable support to help me
cope with these problems during the period 1997-1999. However, within the
space of barely nine months or so before I was diagnosed, I had prematurely
lost both of these main supports before I was quite ready. I had found this
sudden break extremely difficult but I had thought I was coping. For the
first time for a while, I had got a good job, doing the accounts for a gym.
I loved it and the hours were flexible.
Now, in July 2000, less than two weeks after starting
this job, when everything seemed to be looking up for a change, there was
this worry of a seriously abnormal cervical smear. I was angry because I had
been trying to convince my GP for quite some time that I was concerned that
the cervical smear results were coming back negative when I was sure there
was something wrong. There had been some abnormality before I left England,
but in New Zealand, I had always been told that everything was fine.
However, with typical NZ assurance, my GP blithely told me that ‘We have the
best labs in the world - so the results must be right’. This did not help me
feel comfortable at all, especially as by now problems in Gisborne of
misreading of smears had come to light and several women were really sick.
I first had to have a biopsy using colposcopy. But the
news only got worse. From that, it emerged that there was the possibility of
invasive cancer. My gynaecologist wrote to my GP saying that "I hope it was
not more than CIN-3" as he did not like the look of what he had seen. I was
told that a cone biopsy could offer both an accurate diagnosis and also a
complete removal of all the potentially cancerous tissue. I was not happy
about this cone biopsy as it is a more major surgical procedure than the
simple colposcopy biopsy. I had always felt that if you cut into a cancer,
you risk causing it to become more aggressive. However, I eventually went
ahead with the cone biopsy. This had interrupted my gym programme. I had
decided that, as the accounts job was only part time and I had free
membership, I might as well make use of the gym facilities each time I went
down to work. What a waste it all seemed now. I was determined I wouldn’t
lose the job though. That was important to me as a start on my road to
But again things only got worse. When the results came
back, not only did they show invasive cancer but the excised cone, about one
inch in diameter, did not have what are called ‘clear margins’. Some
potentially cancerous tissue remained. So I was told that I needed radical
treatment. I was extremely wary of this. A simple hysterectomy, perhaps I
would have considered.. But to take all the lymph nodes - just to look at
them and make sure they were clear!!......No! They were there to protect me.
I couldn’t go ahead with that. And I couldn’t trust the surgeons not to take
them anyway, saying that they needed to on some pretext, ‘in my best
However, I was guided to alternative people who could
help me deal with this cancer in a less invasive way. Unfortunately, I was
pressured to have orthodox treatment every time I went near the hospital. It
is quite scary to be told "You will die!" The implication, of course, was
clear - that if I trusted them, I would not. No one dwelt on the fine print
of survival percentages. But I had to choose to either trust them or trust
what I was ‘given’. I ‘got’ very strongly that I should not have surgery. I
had to really live my faith now. My life was dependent on the choices I
made. The real situation was not as clear cut as the medical professionals
I asked about statistics. In time it became clear that
New Zealand does not have any statistics of its own. Doctors here use
statistics from Britain, America or Australia and fondly assume they will
apply here. But I am here, not in Britain, America or Australia. And a
recent article in The Listener magazine here suggests that my
suspicions were well-founded. Survival rates in New Zealand do seem to be
much poorer than in supposedly equivalent western countries. But, I didn’t
know that then.
I was led to a newly arrived homotoxicologist who helped
me with supplements and diets. Through him I was then found a new GP, one
who was willing to support me in my endeavours rather than force me to
comply with what he considered best for me. By coincidence, I was led to
have Qi Gong treatment. This is a form of Chinese massage and treatment
using the intent of the mind. I have continued with this and also done a
couple of courses so I can understand the principles involved. There are
other alternative methods I have tried, too, such as homeopathy and
Neurolink and high dose Vitamin C treatment. I do feel these have given me
some benefit. I struggle with Discipline - the big D to go with the big C.
It is not my strongest point, but I do try. Diet and mind medicine are my
strongest weapons - and these both require discipline. And Brian gives me
healing which sometimes feels so strong.
Various major emotional upsets within the family caused
me to slacken off my regime at times. I can always feel the emotion hitting
the cancer. I joke that I have to keep any row above the waist. At first we
hoped the laser cone biopsy could perhaps have cauterised the edges and so
destroyed any remaining cancer. But it was not to be. The tumour grew. It
appeared that some had been missed with the cone biopsy.
I made the mistake of taking on a second, unsatisfactory,
job where I came under stress from a new manager. But perhaps that, too, was
meant to be because it was at an aviation training school and the strange
coincidences linking to the World Trade Centre attack were quite uncanny. It
was as though my job was interlinked with an event which has shaken the
world more than anything else since the loss of the Titanic. Then,
the job ended suddenly on the day before the 56th anniversary of a B25
bomber getting lost over New York and crashing into the Empire State
After the attack on the World Trade Centre, we read how
Mohamed Atta and the other pilots had trained at a flying school in Florida
which was very like the one I had worked at. Then somehow they had managed
to get experience on simulators to enable them to take over control of
Boeing 767s, change course and very precisely fly them into the North and
South towers. One day, someone left an Air New Zealand Boeing 767 training
manual on the photocopier. It seemed very odd at the time because our
aviation school had nothing to do with such large aircraft. We only flew two
seaters! The coincidences were really quite thought-provoking. But - what
did it mean?
I think it was the stress in this job that triggered a
relapse and an MRI showed the cancer had enlarged. A year later, it was
bigger again. This was very disappointing but made me more determined.
But I then came under tremendous pressure to undergo
radical radiotherapy and chemotherapy. Again, I looked into it carefully,
and again I seemed to be advised very strongly from ‘outside’ to have faith
and to do the best I could to strengthen my body so that it could have a
fighting chance of overcoming this cancer. For a variety of reasons, my
interactions with radiotherapists and chemotherapists did not inspire me
with confidence. Most choose to trust them because they fear the warnings
that death is the only alternative. But can these technologies really offer
the cure they claimed to offer me? Again, the signs warned me that the
outcome would not be as the technical experts claimed.
It was all very worrying and it does make me scared.
However, I have lived my life for the past 18 years doing my best to
understand the ‘signs’ and having faith that I am on the right course. So it
is not unreasonable that I continue to do so, even if it may lead to my
death. After all, who can say that orthodox treatment would not have exactly
the same result, and possibly sooner? As it stands, I am only given a 50%
chance now with that.
But what are any of their statistics worth? Would you
trust statistics on smoking produced by the tobacco industry? Shortly after
my initial diagnosis, I was sent a book by Brian’s ex-wife in England. It
had the title ‘C’ . It had been written by John Diamond, an English
journalist. It catalogues his fight with cancer. He was a firm believer in
orthodox medicine and totally opposed to alternative therapies. But his
gradual disenchantment with orthodox medicine becomes clear as the book
progresses. One senses, ultimately, an unspoken feeling of betrayal. He
progresses from a 92% chance of survival (which is about what I was given
initially) to death within about eighteen months. Statistics are all very
well, but each of us is an individual. Perhaps conventional treatment may be
right for you. But the signs showed me it was not right for me. Everyone is
encouraged to believe they will be in the successful percentage - one of the
92, not one of the 8. But are the odds really even as good as that? The
signs show whether we will be in the 92 or in the 8. The implication was
that I would be in the 8. Even if I had had their treatments, would I indeed
be dead already?
I am sure that each and every one of us has a destiny
that can be followed by seeing the signs in coincidences, following our
intuition and acting accordingly. Something knows us better than we know
ourselves. Life in this world is not all that there is. The purpose of this
life is to do the best we can to see if we are judged worthy of eternal
life. This has been made clear to us through so many experiences which are
described in various of our books, such as The Alpha and Omega Codes
and The Enigma Variations.
I am not afraid of dying, if that is what God intends.
But the signs do suggest that I will not die of cancer. I would hope that I
have time enough to finish the work God has intended for me. Sometimes I
feel totally overwhelmed at the coherence we see. Sometimes the coincidences
are so staggering. So often, Brian and I think the same thoughts at the same
time - but coming from different directions. There does seem to be Something
much greater than us, linking us together, and linking us into something of
the greatest importance for the world.
I want to get our books out to enable other people to
gain some understanding of what the future holds and its intricate
interconnections with the past. We have spent the last twenty years of our
lives in this task. It is a task we seem to have been given. You will
understand what I mean if you read The Da Vinci
Codes page on this site, or
Mary, Daughter of Elohim or
Ankhsoun, Daughter of Ra. The odds seem stacked against us - but
somehow we have survived.
Life is not meant to be easy.
Life is a test. I believe we are judged by how we perform in the test of
life. And for the last four years, I know my life has been on the line. But
what is there in this world that you can really trust? All too often,
friends and family fail, although I have been fortunate with the attitude of
my family to my approach to my cancer. At first some of them were worried
that I was making a big mistake. But I think they have come to accept my
decision and are now quite supportive.
Can you really trust what you read in the newspapers,
what you hear on TV or what experts, medical or otherwise, tell you? The
latter may have the best of intentions, but they do not know the future.
They cannot foresee the results of their actions, or the actions of others.
So I just trust. I try to follow the treatments to which
I have been led. I trust that, whatever happens, it will be the best for me
in the long run.
So, I press on. I am grateful for each day. And I am
certainly so much more aware of the subtlety of the changing seasons. After
all, each season may be my last. I do feel confident most of the time that I
can overcome this. Occasionally I fall over and become very low and get
scared. But within 24 hours, I manage to pick myself up and get on course
I have put the story of the emotional upheavals of my
cancer diagnosis into a book
A Cancer Journey
- Jenny's Odyssey of Faith
in the hope that my story may help and encourage others in a similar
situation. An updated version of this book will be published
in October 2007. I do hope it can
give strength to others.
You will find a very brief account of my life and how
Brian and I were brought together in Sands of
Time on this site.
For details of the other books we are publishing and for
a fuller understanding of the philosophy behind my decisions, please look at
our Home Page and the pages about our various
The Lord Gives and the Lord taketh away:
was not published then because from October 2007, Jenny's health began to
decline. She continued to work on the book as best she could, but, in
the end that work was overtaken, towards the end of 2008, by the urgency of
her having to work on the final book she ever typed,
Afterwards, despite all the pain of her loss, I came to see that
her death in April, 2009
was part of a much broader tapestry, as
the Source, which can only be God, began to emphasise the themes of destiny and design ever more
strongly in my life whilst giving me powerful evidence of the reality of the
survival Jenny's soul beyond death. I often found myself wishing God
could have found another way. But I just had to accept that He knows
best. As it turns out Jenny's death is a key element in the World's End
Sequences as more and more four years on
The Second Coming is emphasised more and more.
Of course between 1986 and her death
in 2009, Jenny herself had had many experiences of
communicating through her. But in those months after her
death, Jenny's spirit became for me a kind of
radioactive-tracer in the afterlife. I knew all about Jenny.
This enabled me to test mediums. Thus God showed me
the vast majority of mediums are not what they claim.
The very few mediums who were
successful in giving me evidence of the survival of Jenny spirit were very much
chosen ones, like
Carolyn the medium who could at chosen locations at highly specific times. The whole
question of communication from the spirits of the dead is far more
complicated in any medium realises. But most of them are concerned
very little, if at all with real proof of survival. The vast majority
are more concerned with making a
comfortable income from their so-called
Two Airbus crashes were woven around
Jenny's illness during the last two months of her life -
New York - and then two more
were woven around her funeral in the two months following her death -
Air France 447 and
Yemenia - 626.
And Air France 447 linked back into the film knowing which was in turn
intricately linked to her death. It was released in New Zealand five
weeks after she died. And all of those Airbus crashes were interconnected with the Lockerbie air
disaster of 1988, indeed predicted by the same 557 Lockerbie prophecy
coincidence code, amongst other things. Two heavily simplified webs of destiny
(Diagrams of Truth) complete with connections to the Lockerbie air disaster
20 years earlier, are shown at the 557/739 Airbus
It was all powerful confirmation of
the phenomenon first noted by Camille Flammarion in 1899, that the frequency
and power of coincidences had a tendency to increase dramatically around
death. However apart from my research little seems to have been done
on this topic in the 113 years which have elapsed since. Like so much
else in this field, it is too difficult - for academics anyway. In any
case, there are no cosy
research grants because there is no money in it for big business, only an
understanding about what lies beyond the gate of death and of the Source that chooses to
orchestrate it all. But big business is interested in profit not
prophecy. Who gives a stuff whether God exists. Big business
doesn't and neither do the money- grubbing universities of today. At
least big business and universities have a common belief. They both
know for certain money exists and do all that they can to worship it.
Its all about finding fields of research which will give lucrative
spin-offs. This field does not offer riches in this world. Any
gain is concerned with the next world, but it does warn that there is also
the possibility of very great loss therein also. 10:38pm 25th September,